Attachment Styles and Infidelity: Is There a Connection?

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, suggests that the way we bonded with caregivers in childhood impacts how we relate in adult romantic relationships.

The four main attachment styles are:
• Secure – Comfortable with intimacy, trust, and emotional closeness.

• Anxious – Fear of abandonment, need for reassurance, sensitivity to rejection.

• Avoidant – Value independence, struggle with closeness, emotionally guarded.

• Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) – Desire closeness but also fear it; often carry unresolved trauma.

How Attachment Styles Can Relate to Infidelity

1. Anxious Attachment and Infidelity

People with anxious attachment may cheat if they feel unloved or neglected. Infidelity can sometimes serve as an attempt to seek reassurance, attention, or validation from someone else.

2. Avoidant Attachment and Infidelity

Those with avoidant attachment often struggle with intimacy. They may cheat as a way to create emotional distance from their partner or to maintain a sense of independence.

3. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment and Infidelity

This group often has conflicting needs: craving closeness but fearing vulnerability. Cheating may become a way to self-sabotage relationships, test a partner’s loyalty, or avoid deep emotional intimacy.

4. Secure Attachment and Infidelity

While securely attached people can cheat, they are generally less likely to do so. When issues arise, they are more inclined to communicate openly rather than seek connection outside the relationship.

Why This Matters for Healing?

Understanding the attachment roots of infidelity can shift the conversation from “Why did this happen to me?” to “What patterns are at play here?”

This insight allows:
• The partner who cheated to explore unmet needs and deeper fears.

• The betrayed partner to understand that the cheating wasn’t about their worth, but often about attachment wounds.

• Both partners to use therapy as a tool for healing and breaking cycles.

Final Thoughts

Infidelity is never justified, but it can be understood. By looking at attachment styles, couples can uncover the deeper dynamics that led to betrayal and begin the journey of rebuilding trust.

At InnerPeace Counselling, I help individuals and couples explore these patterns, heal from infidelity,
and create stronger, healthier relationships built on awareness and trust.

At Inner Peace Counselling, we offer free consultations to make sure you are choosing what is best for you, you family and your loved ones. Book your free appointment here.